What struck me?

“The belief that it is possible to heal the world without healing ourselves first is what the Yoga Sutras call a lack of true knowledge.”

“The truth is, when we are happy we spread happiness, and when we are in pain we spread suffering.”

What does this mean in my life and practice?

The immediate thought that comes to mind when reading these quotes is the familiar reminder to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else. I have never much cared for that comparison. It refers to what would otherwise be protocol in a tragic event, when most of our lack of self-care is far less tragic. Most of our neglect of ourselves happens in the ordinary course of living. We keep going, keep giving, and put ourselves off until later.

What I do believe is that who you are is what you deliver to the world. The energy you carry comes with you. It finds its way into your conversations, your patience, your reactions, and the way you make someone feel in your presence.

Be responsible for the energy you bring.

What struck me?

“If you do what you did, you get what you got.”

“Practice is doing the work. It is following up your intention with action.”

What does this mean in my life and practice?

These two quotes from today’s reading are the conflict between my intentions and my reality. I do not want to stay stuck, I know what I am doing will keep me where I am, yet here I am.

I know better than anyone that when you start walking down new paths you find new lands. Why then do I track back to walk the paths that I have walked before. Those that keep me stuck? Stuck in a cycle of exhaustion and excess that lacks the energy to forge ahead.

This means that I don’t negotiate with myself, I do it. I don’t make excuses, I do it. I know better, and I do better. Every time I am true to this statement, I am taking one step closer to my new reality.

Just do it.

What struck me?

“If you want to end darkness…you have to turn on a light.”

Marianne Williamson

Be the light. — LK

What does this mean in my life and practice?

This is so obvious and yet so profound. We choose. We decide. If you want to be in the dark, you will stay…dark.

Turning on the light in my life is turning on the light that radiates from inside me. I am light. I choose to be light. I decide.

Turn on the light.

What struck me?

“…out of the driver’s seat for a while and enjoy the scenery. Let the river of yoga take you where it will.”

What does this mean in my life and practice?

This is exactly what I have chosen to do by signing up for Yoga Teacher Training and spending my time this week mostly focused on yoga as a whole. This is most definitely my happy space. Why not have more of it?

The force to do it is less pushing and more a pulling—pulling more toward what I want. What I need.

I am going to enjoy my time. I am going to prioritize it.

I am going to BE.

What struck me?

“Everything all the time.”

Which resonates with me and is in my mind flawed as multitasking being inefficient, unfocused, and out of reach. I appreciate the note that “we must have a mind that has let go of the habit of distraction and developed the habit of concentration.” This is where I believe I need the most work. What surprised me was the final sentence, “We are doing our yoga all the time.” Wow.

What does this mean in my life and practice?

It means that there is a place for everything all the time and concentration rather than focus may be the key differentiator. Focus means we hone in, tunnel vision. Concentration means we dive in understanding that there may be many views in that dive that allow us to concentrate on the bigger picture even when there are many areas of focus.

What struck me?

"We must simply remain open to our own spiritual potential and be willing to take action on our own behalf."

What does this mean in my life and practice?

Trust your instinct. Trust your voice. When something is pulling follow when it is in alignment with your spiritual journey. Resist when it takes you further away from where you want to be.

My example is with the Kloud mat. I succumbed to it on day one for 45 minutes and seemingly had a very solid night of sleep. I decided to rent it, to indulge those helping me decompress, and to be open-minded. All the while there was something pulling me in a different direction however I pushed forward. Ultimately the second time on the mat proved to take me out the following day. Whether it is truth or hyperbole it is enough to know that this is not for me. Now.

I have lived much of my life, pleasing others. Meeting others expectations. Now it is time to not be pulled around by my “grounding cord” but rather to hold sacred what is my own space. I don’t need to explain. I don’t need to speak life into others beliefs. I only need to hold space for my own. How is it changing me. How is it serving me?

I will continue to explore this new space. This new sacred space.

What struck me?

"Yoga is the study of balance, and balance is the aim of all living creatures, it is our home."

"It is the aim of all spiritual seeking to bring us home, home to the understanding that we already have everything we need."

What does this mean in my life and practice?

Balance is what I am aiming for in all things in my life. I want to find the middle, the grey, the place where the extremes are extreme. The place where peace lives.

The statement “that we already have everything we need” is so very powerful. I find myself seeking constantly. Regardless of substance, I am seeking. Hunger for food, things, love, attention, it matters not, I am always seeking. When you reconcile that you already have everything you need you stop seeking. You start living. You live in a space of gratitude that all that you need is already here. This is where I am to be.

During meditation this morning we were talking about resistance and acceptance. It played out in the difference between push and pull versus flow. As I sat with these thoughts and attempted to make sense of them, a metaphor occurred. I was envisioning a river flowing swiftly but peacefully, cool and pure. In that river I saw a large rock sticking out of the water. The rock was stationary, jagged, and unmoved by the water that flowed around it. Years of resisting the current had slowly worn away at its surface.

What if the rock released its hold and allowed itself to go with the flow, carried on a journey through the currents, coming into contact with other beings in the flow? Would releasing its hard exterior make it less attractive, less wanted, less valuable?

The rock is stuck.

Not because it can’t move with the flow.

Because it won’t.

The rock is heavy with layers of defense that has built up over the years. Layers that helped it survive. Layers that created a fortress that allowed the rock to be impermeable and weather any storm. Building layers has been the rock’s lifework. And if the rock is not building layers, then what is its purpose? What is its value? The rock had spent its entire life believing the layers were what made it valuable.

I am the rock.

Live as I live it - Lori

What a place to start! And why am I always starting? Who isn’t? Life is a cycle of falling flat on our faces, getting back up, and trying again. Even when not it is intentional, we are Always Starting. It has been the souce of exhaustion in my life but it has always been the lifeblood and single characteristic that people most admire, or so I am told. My response is always the same, “What choice do we have?” If you are not Always Starting, then what are you doing?

So here I sit after taking a serious break from writing. When did it end? I am not sure. I guess I could go back and look at my last article on LinkedIn or the last blog post on my Always Starting WordPress site. In reality the day the last thought was written is less important than the why. There were a number of reasons if I ask myself, and I do, I ask myself a lot of things, and yes I answer back. Call me crazy, it is what it is. Oh yeah, back to the question of why I stopped writing.

The first reason was “AI.” Yep, while most people were finding their inner author through AI, writing posts that were full of em-dashes (Who had even heard of em-dashes before AI filled our writing with them?). I actually took offense that AI made it possible for anyone to author an article. I said it, I was offended that someone who had no previous writing skills could now author a full book with success. Even worse is that they could hire a “Ghostwriter” to write on AI on their behalf. Like what!?! The funny coincidence is that I use AI to navigate Excel like a BOSS. I assume there are no “Excel Masters” out there who are offended by that, but who knows.

The second was the internal conflict of giving up too much. Was I revealing too much about what goes on in my overthinking brain? Was I revealing too much expertise in the career that I have worked over 35 years to build? In both cases, why did I care? I never did previously. Maybe it was the…hell, I don’t know what it was, but it stopped me in my tracks.

What I know is that I have built a life through a most unconventional journey and people find it intriguing, motivating, and honest. I don’t mind sharing, and if that sharing helps someone find their voice, gives them confidence, or entertains them, well then I have “given back.” Giving back is important to me. I have been given a lot to get here, and the only thing I can do is give it back in wisdom. Isn’t that the definition of wisdom after all (…that is another article altogether.)

I am here starting on Substack because it is time. I did not stop writing because I ran out of things to say. I stopped because I started questioning whether I had the right to say them out loud.

There is so much to say, so much to admit, and all of it requires a resolve that only writing can give me. I am a writer, and apparently so is everyone else thanks to ChatGPT. :) Writing is a voice, one that is not heard, but that can be felt. I dare you to feel something, no judgment, even if you might be judging me. Read, take what serves, and leave the rest.

Always Starting is back. And this is Life as I Live It. - Lori

There is something both humbling and hopeful about beginning again.

When I first started Always Starting, it was a place to write, reflect, process, and remind myself that moving forward does not always happen in a straight line. Life has a way of changing the plan. Sometimes we choose the next chapter. Sometimes the next chapter chooses us.

But either way, we begin again.

Over the years, I have learned that resilience is not about pretending things are easy. It is about continuing to show up with honesty, courage, and enough faith to take the next step.

This space has been quiet for a while, but I have not stopped thinking, learning, leading, growing, or becoming. And lately, I have felt called back to writing — not because I have everything figured out, but because I believe there is value in reflecting out loud.

Always Starting will continue to be a place for resilience, reinvention, leadership, life, family, confidence, perseverance, and the courage to begin again.

Some beginnings are exciting. Some are uncomfortable. Some come after loss, change, uncertainty, or a season we never expected to walk through.

But starting again is not failure.

Sometimes, it is wisdom.
Sometimes, it is survival.
Sometimes, it is the beginning of becoming.

So here I am.

Always starting,

Lori

Attention, Women Leaders!! Karen Laos and I are cooking up something big for you!

We are joining forces to bring you a 3-month mastermind, “Negotiate and Speak with Power,” beginning on June 16.

Interact with your leadership peers in hospitality who have similar goals in an intimate environment. The group will be limited to 8 women. It’s designed for high-touch and high-quality connections. The intent is to build authentic and supportive relationships in a community where you feel safe to share your challenges and where we practice seeing real habit change through simple strategies that work.

What’s included:

• Six 75-minute group sessions over the course of three months

• One 45-minute individual coaching session with Karen

• One 45-minute individual coaching session with Lori

• Unlimited coaching in between sessions via voice access (using the Voxer app) and email coaching to the group and to Karen individually

Here are the details: https://lnkd.in/gEexxiif

#fearlessleadership #womeninbusiness #useyourvoice

I am reading “Stephen King On Writing,” a part memoir and lessons for writers. While I cherish the lessons on writing, his definition of addiction is too good to pass up. His addictions were many; however, regardless of the addiction, you will find the core of the pull is the same.

About his alcohol addiction:
“How much do you drink?” The counselor asked. “All of it,” he said as if that should have been self-evident. I’m struck by disbelief when I see someone in a restaurant with a half-finished glass of wine near at hand. I want to get up, go over, and yell “Finish that! Why don’t you finish that?” – if you didn’t want to get drunk why not just have a Coke?

My nights during the last five years of my drinking always ended with the same ritual: I’d pour any beers left in the refrigerator down the sink. If I didn’t, they’d talk to me as I lay in bed until I got up and had another. And another. And one more.

About his intervention, he says:
I bargained because that’s what addicts do. I was charming because that’s what addicts are. In the end I got two weeks to think about it. In retrospect, this seems to summarize all the insanity of that time. Guy is standing on top of a burning building. Helicopter arrives, hovers, drops a rope ladder. “Climb up!” The man leaning out of the helicopter’s door shouts. Guy on top of the burning building responds, “Give me two weeks to think about it.”

Crazy right? All of it is on point.

In my own experience with food addiction, I could not leave a bite behind. Full was not a measure of when to stop eating. I would stop when the food was gone, despite the impending aftermath. I could not sleep at night if I knew there was just one piece of cake left, two cookies left, or a scoop of ice cream left. My mind would clamor on until it was gone.

The stall for intervention is one played out by anyone trying to change habits or start new ones. ”I will start on Monday” has made Monday the day that begins with promise and intention and ends in failure for millions. The only reprieve is the promise or threat to start the following Monday again. For an addict finding the bottom, where change happens, is a free fall. A jump off a rocky cliff, breaking tree limbs, bouncing off ledges, and only pulling the cord when the injury is so significant that it would end in their demise. Having someone else pull your cord in an intervention is rarely successful and never satisfying. The only thing worse than knowing how dire your situation is is someone you love telling you how bad you have made their situation.

Thank you, Stephen King, for the great book and your superpower to make words come to life in your life and ours.

L.

How do you build resilience? In my case, I was born with it. It was a trait woven within my DNA to be strengthened like a muscle throughout my life.

This is a tale of a girl that started her life in a single-wide roach-infested trailer and is telling her story from the c-suite of a luxury hotel company. Come along for a ride of vulnerability and transparency unrelenting. This is life as I lived it.

This is a tale of a girl raised by parents who divorced and remarried each other repeatedly; the love affair was no match for the attraction of their opposing lives. While the love was resilient, the war between the vows was debilitating.

This is a tale of a girl that dropped out of high school in her senior year to get pregnant at seventeen, on purpose. While the act was careless, the pilot light for the inferno had been lit.

This is a slice of a memoir, yet a full dose of resilience and a recipe for independence.

They say you won’t remember the two most impactful days of your life: birth and death. Ironically, there are thousands of less important days in between that you cannot forget.

Lessons of Resilience

Some of the most impactful days of my “early years” were watching my parent’s marriage play out like an episode of “War and Peace.” It would be the first binge-worthy series in my life; unlike a Netflix episode, I paid for it in memories that would stack up like books on shelves of a library that I would refer to for the next 50 years.

The series would always start with him leaving for his next adventure and her for her second job to support us, a resilience in its rawest form. I didn’t know exactly where he had gone or why he left, only that he was gone, and she was never home as she would pick up the pieces for both of us.

My parents would argue a lot; I remember the screaming well; the sound of my Mom’s scream forever lives with me as I would come to know it as a tribal call of the impending escape of my father, as it would play out many more times over my childhood.

Resilience in this chapter of my life would be taught in learning that a relationship can always be put back together, no matter how tattered and torn. The glue, the love, was based on a foundation that believed that if you loved something, set it free, and if it came back, it was meant to be…or not.

Love and life are at odds with one another. Live your life, and the love will come. Living for love will leave you longing.

Lesson learned — Resilience requires a comeback and a tolerance to start over. It does not command perfection; quite the opposite, it is mired in trial and error. The only perfection is in the act of falling flat on your face and picking yourself up again and again.

Lessons of Independence

My first lessons of independence would be taught through the onslaught of babysitters that would come and go. The line-up of strangers considered qualified to watch me was based on availability and less on character. I learned the meaning of skepticism and its range of defining synonyms, from uncertainty to mistrust.

The drop-off was always the worst part. Being brought to someone else’s home, out of your element, would be the first “injury.” Being left with strangers is truly adding “insult to injury” as it tears at the soul of the codependency between mother and child.

I remember the large ornate wooden doors of the babysitter’s home, which would be streaked with my tears as I stood there, begging my mom to return. I felt desperate, a profound emotion for a child.

While I would be left to figure it out for the next few hours, she would soldier ahead on a plight for financial independence, not just for her but us. Independence would become her defense in the following years, never letting her financial guard down, although her love for him would remain resilient.

These lessons would form the list of “ingredients” that, with time, would create a recipe of independence for her and I. Combine a cup of abandonment, skepticism, and separation; the final product is Fierce Independence.

Lesson learned — The only person you can truly rely on is yourself. You must be able to stand on your own first and then with others. It is lonely at the top. Stay on top.

Just a slice of memoir to be revealed lesson by lesson. To be continued…

Life as I live it — L.

Here we are; the question has made it to the Sunday Evening News. During the broadcast of NBC Nightly News, the topic of college requirements in the workplace was featured. The segment highlighted governments and companies that are waiving degree requirements to apply for jobs. Here are some of the additional points worth sharing:

• Pennsylvania’s acting Deputy Secretary for Administration noted that it took her ten years to get to the level a person with a college degree would have.

• Pennsylvania Governor eliminated the college degree retirement for 92% of jobs in state government. This opens up 65,000 jobs. He said he is “sick and tired” of this attitude and that you don’t have the requisite skills to succeed if you don’t goto college. He noted, “We judge you on your skills, grit, and determination.”

• 65% of Americans over 25 years of age do not have a Bachelor’s degree.

• 1 in 5 employers are relaxing educational requirements and opening up jobs that previously shut out skilled workers because of degree requirements.

• IBM was one of the first to offer a skills-first policy back in 2016 and noted that 50% of their jobs do not require degrees.

I, like many, did not come from a family that had the means to send me to college. It was never a topic in my family. My mom was a secretary, and my dad was a drywall hanger. They both went to a community college as adult students but did not graduate and remained in these careers their entire lives. After high school, I decided to put myself through college, hoping for a better quality of life however juggled a full-time job and was left with student loans to supplement the expenses not covered by the grants I was offered.

How do we level-set the field to create career opportunities for those that do not have the means to go to college? While diversity, equity, and inclusion are in the spotlight, it would seem that college is the first place that serves to create inequality. While there are programs to assist with the cost, many high school graduates are forced to get full-time jobs to afford to live, limiting the opportunity given to those with means.

As I am in the hospitality industry, while education is coveted, experience is necessary. This is an issue that the hospitality industry is wrestling with now as college admission for hospitality majors is down. The bottom line is that even with a degree, you will likely start in the same line-level positions when starting a hotel as someone without a degree. While this is an unfair leveling of the playing field for those with degrees, conversely, it is a great industry for those without degrees to find careers.

It’s important to recognize that there are many paths to success, and college is not the only way to achieve career goals. By providing alternative pathways to education and employment, we can create more opportunities for individuals from diverse backgrounds and help level the playing field.

Thank you, NBC News, for starting the conversation. It is a conversation I have often had in the last few years as my children have explored higher education. Regardless of the means, college is not for everyone. I agree with the Pennsylvania Governor that grit and determination can get you further than a degree if you are loyal and committed to hard work in many careers.

Life as I Live it – L.

It is March Fourth, and I ask you, how are you Marching Forth? What a great message to kick us back into gear as we have likely abandoned New Year’s Resolutions.

I have found myself amid several conversations in the last week, including the statement, “I know what to do, but I just don’t do it.” What is this that we say? Why do we not do what we know is right for “us?”

• We know we should exercise; however, according to a recent study, “23.4 percent of men participated in sports, exercise, and recreational activities daily, compared to only 19.6 percent of women”.

• We know we should eat healthily; however, “50 percent of Americans claim to actively try to eat healthily.”

• We know we should save money; however, “42% of Americans have less than $1,000 in savings as of 2022.”

What separates the good from the great is the willingness to do what you know you should do without fail. Stop contemplating those things that you have already figured out. Stop making decisions in those areas of your life that are already solved, and do it!

When researching the habits of some of the most successful people, I found four traits most common:

The list is not surprising, as most of us know the benefits of doing these things. These people find time for these habits despite their demanding careers and schedules. Then why can’t we?

First, it’s important to understand that knowledge alone is not enough to create lasting change. While knowing what to do is a crucial first step, our habits, behaviors, and beliefs are often deeply ingrained and difficult to change. Creating new habits and changing our behavior takes time, effort, and consistency.

Second, fear, self-doubt, and procrastination can also prevent us from acting on what we should do. We might fear failure, fear success, or doubt our abilities to achieve our goals. Procrastination can also be a way of avoiding discomfort or uncertainty in the short term, even if it ultimately leads to negative consequences in the long term.

Last, our environment and social influences can also play a role. The people and situations around us often shape our habits and behaviors. If our friends or family members have different habits or behaviors, making changes that go against the norm can be challenging.

To overcome these obstacles and start taking action on what we should do, it’s important first to identify the root causes of our inaction. We can then create a plan to address these factors and develop strategies to overcome them. This might involve seeking support from others, changing our environment, or breaking down larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps. Ultimately, taking action and progressing toward our goals requires a combination of self-awareness, discipline, and persistence.

By developing the discipline and commitment to do what needs to be done consistently, you can achieve great things and become the best version of yourself.

March Forth and make March 4th count!

Life as I live it — L.

References:

Savings — https://www.zippia.com/advice/american-savings-statistics/#:~:text=42%25%20of%20Americans%20have%20less,the%20second%20half%20of%202022.

Healthy Eating — https://www.statista.com/chart/16796/us-interest-in-healthy-food/#:~:text=Around%20half%20of%20Americans%20are,actively%20try%20to%20eat%20healthy.

Exercise — https://www.statista.com/statistics/189562/daily-engagement-of-the-us-poppulation-in-sports-and-exercise/#:~:text=Percentage%20of%20U.S.%20population%20engaged,exercise%20per%20day%202010%2D2021&text=In%202021%2C%20it%20was%20found,only%2019.6%20percent%20of%20women.

Resolutions abound as we all wake up on this New Year’s Day morning. People around the world have resolved to make changes that start today. But where did it all begin? According to “How Stuff Works”:

The origin of making New Year’s resolutions rests with the Babylonians, who reportedly made promises to the gods in hopes they’d earn good favor in the coming year. They often resolved to get out of debt [source: History]. Sounds familiar? Many of us are still making that resolution today.

https://people.howstuffworks.com/culture-traditions/holidays-other/why-make-new-years-resolutions1.htm

Resolutions are alive and well today. Whom those resolutions or promises are made to has expanded beyond the gods. Most of our resolutions are made as a boast of what we intend to do, with the only promise being to ourselves. Resolutions are strong in the first few weeks of every year, and then, as the year marches on, we forget all that we resolved. Letting ourselves down is easier than letting other people down, which is why one of the best ways to stick to your resolutions is to create accountability with someone else.

Regardless of the history and accountability, you are likely to spend today resolving to do things you have not mastered. As you contemplate those resolutions, you might ask yourself, “Why Now?” and then, “Now What?” Spending a few moments contemplating these two questions can narrow down a lofty list to a few worthy resolutions, choosing quality versus quantity in finalizing your list. Once you have resolved your list, the final question is, “How now?” How do you make your resolutions stick?

Why now?

Why do you want to resolve or set a resolution to do Fill in the Blank now? If you have previously made this resolution, ask, “Why again?” It is essential to explore and understand the resolution that will allow the intention to be set and change to be made. Asking “Why Now?” is key to understanding if the timing is right and why the result will differ from previous intentions.

Now what?

Once you set the intention, the resolution is made. Now what? Ultimately to resolve to do something that you were not doing previously requires a change in behavior, routine, and habit. Humans are “creatures of habit.” Our lives are habits built from inherent routines. Routines significantly reduce stress by allowing a “cruise control” to move throughout the day. To change those routines is uncomfortable. It is exhilarating when we consider the potential that lies before us, however daunting when having to make the actual change, interrupting our routines. Are you ready for the discomfort and prepared to rally through it?

How now?

Once you have resolved the “Why now?” and the “Now what?” you must commit to “How now?” you will determine the intention. How are you going to make a resolution stick? How do you find room in your current routines? How do you make the change stick? This process is cyclical, and as you determine the “How now,” you may very well go back to the top of asking, “Why now?”

This process is straightforward to move through and will assist in decluttering the list of resolutions and current routines.

Next up, Reality Enters and Resolve Departs

I recently wrote a blog post called “Tell Me What To Do,” where I explore the search for Best Practices that give us a framework for doing what others have successfully done. While we are a society of fearless independent people begrudgingly being told what to do, we actually like to be told what to do!!! Additionally, we like to be told what to do because we want to know our expectations of ourselves. One search on Pinterest or Etsy yields hundreds of premade checklists that, for a small price, will tell us what to do on any subject matter.

While writing “Tell Me What To Do,” I explored my own resolutions and attempted to set up a daily and weekly schedule to give room for each of these new resolutions. Writing the list of resolutions is mildly satisfying, much like a To Do List. However, these are just lists until you can find the time to do what you have resolved. To move from list to resolve, I attempted to schedule my resolutions on my calendar, but it became clear that this was not as easy as I might have resolved.

I would give up the everyday items on “my list” to make room for the new. This became an entirely new effort that inspired a blog post and continues to be a struggle.

It is one of many reasons that New Year’s Resolutions don’t stick. To add something to your life, you must consider what you are giving up. When considering our New Year’s Resolutions, we are so consumed in the “addition” or “removal” of something we resolve that we forget to consider the opposing resolve. Examples include:

• The #1 resolution – LOSING WEIGHT! We all want to lose weight after three months of eating Halloween candy, Thanksgiving dinner, and Christmas goodies! While we resolve that we will lose those extra pounds, do we resolve to make the time to plan our meals, work out, and embrace the feeling of deprivation?

• FINANCIAL GOALS – We are again coming off of three of the most expensive months of the year. We are ripe to recover our finances, pay off credit cards and stop frivolous spending. Timing is great for those expecting bonuses and tax returns. Once the relief of initial financial restraint wears off, how do we stay motivated to curb spending and continue our pay-off efforts without the windfalls of cash?

• DIGITAL or SOCIAL MEDIA BREAK – Couldn’t we all use a break from our tech? However, are you willing to give up the connection that feeds our need to be a part of something greater than our reality? Are you ready to turn off the email that acts as a To Do list, turn off the social that makes us “feel” better or worse about our own lives, and turn off the feed that reads like a salacious tabloid?

Resolving

The New Year is a great place to start anew. So is a Monday, the first day of a month, and the first month of a new quarter. However, we mustn’t forget that we are also blessed with a sunrise every morning that gives us a fresh start, a clean slate, and a place to be grateful for a new day.

Take the time today to join the energy of a world resolved to start or stop something for the betterment of their lives and all of ours. Spend a few minutes more to contemplate your why, what, and how as you make a promise to yourself. A promise that should not be taken lightly, for when you let yourself down, you diminish your self-worth.

Resolve today how you will carry on tomorrow. Make the promise to yourself, whatever it may be, and put at the top of your list a “Resolve to keep the promise to yourself first.” You are worth it. You are enough. You are resolved. L.

The bottom line is that we want to be told what to do. We do want to know what the expectation of us is. It is ours to decide if we choose to meet the expectation, but knowing how it is defined is paramount. Those willing to tell others what to do are revered and paid handsomely. Think of those that make a living telling people what to do:

• Nike – I mean seriously, first and foremost is their slogan, “Just do it.” They don’t define it because “Just do it” covers everything. Do what? Hoping that you will identify with their mantra and wear their logo as a badge of honor; representing yourself as someone that “Just DOES it” is enough for Nike.

• Tony Robbins – “If you want to own the island, you must burn the boats.”  Tony is the master of telling people what to do, as proven by his ability to get hundreds, maybe thousands of people to walk across hot coals at the end of his handsomely priced seminars.

• Diets – Not just one but ALL; tell those that want to lose weight what to do in various forms. Ultimately we all know what to do; get active and stop eating. DONE! Yet according to CNBC, the “weight loss (industry) has grown to be a $71 billion industry, yet according to studies— 95% of diets fail.”  What a business, selling people on what they already know, knowing they will fail and keep coming back. BRILLIANT!

The last example, and the best proof point for me, is that my husband will get ten times the amount of things done on a list than when left to his own devices. (Shhh, let’s keep that secret weapon between us.) The fact remains that we want to be told what to do.

Here is what you need to do now:

1. Look at the roles you hold in your life—wife, mother, employee, citizen, etc.   Consider the roles you want to keep or things you want to do.

2. Consider the expectations of these roles, all of which you are/do now and those that you wish to adopt. Are they in accordance with one another, competing, or conflicting?

3. Write the lists! Write the list of what it takes to fulfill each of these roles to meet expectations. Compare the lists. Combine the tasks, and remove duplicates and what is not in agreement.

4. Combine the lists to create a master list. 

If only it were five simple steps. The reality is that each of these items can take days to ruminate over. However, your reality will improve significantly if you are willing to do the steps. By understanding the expectations of “you” across your landscape of responsibilities, you can identify what is working and what is not. When you know what is not working, you can decide to remove it, change it, or overcome it. 

I am always searching for the best way to organize my lists and more importantly how to make time for everything I want to do while still meeting the expectations of my obligations to those that rely on me and most importantly myself. I did this recently to overcome my lack of a finite way to record my “To Do Lists.” I discovered that I was incredibly overextended. By putting all of my lists together and then going one step further to put it all on my calendar, it became clear that there was not enough time in a day to do all that I wanted to do. What to do? I cannot carry on exhausting myself while not meeting the expectations of my various roles. It was time to get a bit deeper.

Next up, how do you decide what to let go? For this task, I will call on the master of decluttering our lives, Marie Condo, and the “KonMari Method.” Yes, this works for your closets, and your To Do lists!!! 

If you take these five steps and apply them to your list-making, from up above, you will start to find your way to a Master To Do list that, when used daily, will become habitual. It will make daily decisions and remove the guesswork allowing high-value routines to take shape in your life. 

Think it through with me:

1. What are the various “To Do” lists in your life, including those you want to adopt?

2. Break them into categories like personal and business. Break them into subcategories; family time, strategy sessions, budgeting/finance, etc.

3. In this case, the next task, “keep only those things that spark joy,” can be literal or applied. You can remove things from your life that no longer suit you, aka “spark joy.”  However, there are those things we all must do that will never “spark joy” but still need to be done. In these cases finding the best-case scenario should be the application. 

   • An example might include cleaning the bathroom. No one wants to clean their bathrooms. However, somebody must do it. In the world of good and evil, cleaning a bathroom that is gently used is better than the sheer misery of cleaning a “dirty” bathroom. (Insert vomiting face emoji!) in this case, putting more frequent bathroom refreshes on your list will serve you better than a bathroom deep-clean once a month.

4. Just as noted above in the KonMari method, once you have put everything in its place, now create a master list that you can follow, allowing you to check all of the boxes in your life.

5. And as KonMari notes, “Do it all in one go.”

While we all want to be told what to do at times, we can also admit that we already know what to do in most of these cases. Those resources that tell us what to do typically remind us what we want to do or, in most cases, need to do. As we wrap up this year, start your New Year’s Resolutions by reviewing your current lists. Meet yourself where you are before deciding on the next year’s resolutions. 

Resolve today before starting tomorrow. 

Life as I live it – L.

We hear more about balance than ever before. Balancing work, the hours, the demands, and the stress. Balancing life, our health, our families, and checkbooks. Most of the advice you find on balance is in advice on the things you can “do” to get it. These lists are helpful to get our balance back; however, how far have we had to go to lose our balance that now has to be redefined and found? No barometer tells us when we are getting out of balance, just a loud thump when we hit rock bottom, falling off of the path, tripping over ourselves, face down, with everyone around us telling us to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps. Rather than offering lists on how to get balance, how about pre-reads of the signs that indicate things are starting to get topsy before they are turvy?

To be able to take advice on how to be “in balance,” you have to know what makes up each side of the scale that is your balance. What amount of each thing in your life must exist in perfect balance to keep you from tumbling down? Once you can define balance, you can write your list of what out-of-balance looks like. Timing is critical in writing this list because doing it when you are out of balance is like looking for the path while lying flat on your back. 

“You can’t see the forest for the trees” – John Heywood

 Using my life as an example, I know that my non-negotiables are my family, my health (yes, I know this is second on my list, I am working on this!), my friends, my career, and all other things in the world. Putting all these on the scale is truly an exercise in the finest balance. Too much of any one thing throws me off into a spin cycle that creates a hurricane of activity around me that becomes a forcefield against any help with defenses up and openness down. (Sigh)

Despite my acknowledgment of the importance of balance, I inevitably allow my passion for the moment to take over more often than I wish to admit. If only there was a flag that would wave when everything else in my life starts to get out of balance. There isn’t a flag or a siren, and most of the time, no one is even paying attention until flags and sirens are required to get your attention! 

This will not serve as another list; no one needs yet another list. Instead, this is a cry for solidarity for us all to be our own barometer of balance. Stop every day and check yourself. Check your balance before mounting the beam and deciding what dismount to attempt!

Inspired by the “…forest for the trees…” I use it as a tale of two paths:

A Tale of Unbalance:

Here you stand in the middle of the most beautiful forest. You walk in, heading down a guided path, well-worn and manicured. Oh wait, is that a unicorn up ahead? Run, catch up to it, follow it into the trees, off the path, down to the water, hopping from one slippery rock to another, and then WHACK…you are down face-up, looking at a canopy of treetops above you. Where am I? How did I get here? Am I hurt? Can I stand on my own? (Let alone find bootstraps, who wears boots with straps anyway!!!) How do I find my way out? Do I call for help, or do I attempt to figure it out on my own? This is how it happens, proverbially, at least. 

A Tale of Balance:

Here you stand in the middle of the most beautiful forest. You walk in, heading down a guided path, well-worn and manicured by your hands, that created this balanced path throughout your life. Oh wait, is that a unicorn up ahead? Sit, be quiet, and give it the respect you deserve to meet each other right where you are on your respective paths. If you decide to follow, do so from afar, and you can never stray too far from your path. Take what you need from this moment, perspective and passion with patience. Add it to your scales of balance by first taking inventory of what you must give up to add it, doing it mindfully.

The lesson of these two paths is a lesson in mindfulness, yours. A lesson that those things that you have lined up along your path should never get in your way. They should not be obstacles. The moment these things threaten to trip you up is your sign. This is the pivotal moment you can stop and readjust before jumping over obstacles. One or two obstacles breed perseverance, but more than that threatens your balance, leaving you searching lists on the internet about how to regain your balance. Don’t lose it, and you won’t have to search for it. Treasure your balance. Respect it as clearly to have it is a prize only awarded to those willing to put themselves first on the list.

I cannot resist concluding with quotes from my favorite poem. Remember, when it comes to balance, you decide. You always decide, choices and consequences. Choose well and stay balanced. 

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

 Life as I live it – L.

From <https://www.linkedin.com/post/edit/7000104364489027585/>

Like a page out of a book or, at the very least, a very finely crafted itinerary, I was off to the annual girl’s trip with great expectations. I was ready for a break. I was “crispy” in all aspects of my life. I thought maybe some time away would solve my quest for perspective. The plans were made, accommodations and transportation booked, and now it just needed to come together as great as it played out in my head.

My girl’s trip comrades shared the first of my three-part journey. We have been making these girl trips for more than 13 years, and they never disappoint. This trip would be the furthest we had ever traveled in search of forests of colorful trees. New England would be the backdrop, and what a destination it turned out to be; full of colors, small towns, great food, and crisp temperatures. This part of my trip delivered on every aspect of what I hoped to be my own “Eat, Pray, Love” adventure. We ate until we popped! We prayed in the solace of the quiet moments. We loved so hard it hurt.

I think it is fair to say that the expectation for every girl’s trip is written in Elizabeth Gilbert’s book “Eat, Pray, Love.” Gilbert’s book would be the user manual for every nervous breakdown since it was first published in 2006. Women worldwide would be given the permission and courage to pick themselves up off the bathroom floor and leave their lives to go on a fiercely independent journey from heartache to healing. While the destinations would differ, the intention would not. How do we take a break from our lives with the hope that disconnecting would allow us to reconnect better?

The second part of my three-part journey would be a solitary trip to a retreat. I have ventured out on this journey many times. Last year would be the most dramatic of these trips as I ventured to Boone, NC, to participate in a Silent Retreat at the Art of Living Retreat Center. It would be the most challenging spiritual journey that I had ever embarked on and one that, a year later, I am still reeling from. I learned a lot about myself; most importantly, I could do it. I could practice silence in full compliance and come out better for it.

This year I contemplated if I should partake in another silent retreat and decided against it. This year, I intended to be more gentle in exploring a new retreat center and program. My expectations are less, but my anxiety is high. I don’t expect this to be as hard as the silent retreat; however, I want to come out of this weekend balanced. This is a large ask for a weekend when I have not been able to manage it for over a year.

While I am not crying on a bathroom floor, I am so far out of balance that picking myself up will take renewed discipline and a bit of stubbornness to do what is right for me. I have traded meditation for Oreos. I have given up running for dinners in front of the television. I have remained silent long after the retreat, as my writing has become less and less throughout the past year. My health has declined, my patience has diminished, and my happiness has become a measurement of productivity that leaves me exhausted.

My expectation of what will become the third part of my journey, resuming life, is to practice what I know to be true for me. Allow my actions to be the judge and not define my actions by judgment. Allow my efforts to be worthy of all things in my life without sacrificing anything. I recognize these are significant asks, but I do not feel put out as I am only asking myself.

Today I sit in a quiet inn on the side of a mountain, preparing for the day ahead. Preparing to check into the retreat center and, more importantly, to silence “my” life, if only for a few days. This time, I will do silence on my terms. I have eaten more food than I needed. I have prayed, in my way, by setting the intention of what I want out of this retreat and worrying little about what I don’t. I will focus on self-love with the only expectation of walking away with a resolve that will bring me back to whom I want to be. The “me” stuck in this cycle will be given the silence and the freedom to redefine. It is the only thing I “have” to do for the next three days.

Quietly departing, silently slinking away, to get back to the core. Shhh, silence on my terms.

Life as I live it — Lori

It is essential to know when to stay silent as essential as knowing when to speak.  If you are always talking, chances are no one is listening.  If you are always quiet, the perception is that you have nothing to say.  When you control your voice and its output, you control the narrative. 

Think about it; those talking all the time are the ones we drown out.  They are the Charlie Brown teachers in the rooms…

…that we stop listening to because they are ALWAYS talking. 

Then there are those in the room that say nothing and leave us wondering why they are in the room, to begin with.

You want to be the one in the room that everyone stops what they are doing and listens to.  You want to be the one that gets the listener’s attention because they know when you have something to say, it is worth listening to; you want to be that voice, meaningful and with intention.

How to use your voice is a skill that takes practice and self-reflection.  It takes time in front of different audiences where you can test out your voice and witness, usually in real-time, the reaction of your voice on the audience.  Are you just restating someone else’s good idea?  Are you criticizing?  Are you adding value with your voice or merely piling on?  What is the audience’s reaction? What is the read on the room after you speak?

To start building your voice skills, you have to have the patience to stop and think before you talk.  Much like the process of mindfulness in thought control requires you to stop when a thought comes to mind to consider its worth and then choose to let it go or react to it.  Using your voice requires a similar cadence.  Before responding to what you hear, you must first stop and decide if you should respond or stay silent and, if worth speaking up, what your message will be to create value. 

Once you have practiced when to use your voice, the next step in the process is how to use your voice.  How we use our voices determines if our voices will be heard again in the future.  Will you be invited back to the conversation?  Let’s explore a few examples:

Are you a confirmer?  Only speaking up to confirm someone else’s point-of-view?

• There is undoubtedly a place for this voice in helping to gain consensus on another person’s point-of-view; however, if challenged to stand on that POV for yourself, would you?  Or are you only in agreement for the sake of wanting to fit in or find comfort in the group?  Use caution in this voice, as your integrity will be challenged.

Are you a statement-maker?  Are you always making a “drop-the-mic” statement? 

• There are times that this voice is relevant and can be impactful if used sparsely.  If you are always trying to make a statement, your voice can become overpowering and irrelevant.  Powerful messages have a place and time; choose each carefully.

Are you “quoter”?  Do you use quotes to add relevance to your voice or message? 

• The benefit of a famous quote is that it creates recognition with the audience as it is a place of familiarity that can immediately connect the speaker with the audience.  For this to be fully realized, the “quote” must be relevant to the message being delivered.  

• The detriment in quoting without the subsequent relevance is that you require the audience to do the work to connect the dots.  Quotes used back-to-back lack integrity and tend to lack creativity in finding your voice by using others in vain.

• “Proceed with Caution” – Eartha Kitt (ha!)

In concluding, it is worth noting that every conversation is not that serious, complex, or dramatic; however, practicing in all circumstances will strengthen your voice and your point of view.  Your voice is your gift.  Use it with discretion and revel in the places where your silence is the loudest voice in the room. 

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. — ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Life as I live it – L.