Welcome to Fearless Leadership, a new part of Always Starting. This is where I will share what I am learning about leading people, developing their strengths, and knowing when to get out of the way.

On October 7, I closed my HSMAI DC keynote on the future of commercial leadership with the reflection below. I want it to be the first piece here because it asks the question I keep coming back to: what does my leadership make possible when I am not in the room?

For years, I have used the analogy of an air traffic controller when I talk about leadership.

Stay in the tower.

From there, you can see what is taking off, what is landing, what is circling, and what might be getting dangerously close to something else. You have a level of visibility that the people on the ground simply do not have.

But what happens when the air traffic controller leaves the tower?

Suddenly they are down on the tarmac moving baggage, directing planes, answering questions someone else can answer, solving problems someone else should solve. And meanwhile, who is watching the airspace?

I still believe in that analogy. Leadership requires altitude. But recently I started thinking there may be an even higher expression of leadership.

The lighthouse.

Think about what a lighthouse does. It stands steady. It is anchored. It provides direction. In the darkest conditions, you can see it from miles away. In daylight, it can almost disappear. And I love that.

Because the lighthouse does not need to be in the spotlight. It creates the light.

More importantly, the lighthouse does not steer the ship. It does not jump into the water, climb aboard, grab the wheel and say, “Move over. I know these waters better than you do.”

Although, let’s be honest, some of us are thinking, “But I DO know these waters better.” You probably do. That is not the point.

Leadership is not proving that you could steer the ship. Leadership is making sure the people steering it know where they are going, understand the hazards, know what success looks like, and have the confidence to navigate without you standing over their shoulder.

That requires trust, especially when someone chooses a route you would not have chosen. Empowerment is easy when their decision looks exactly like yours. The real test is when it doesn’t.

Is the route wrong? Or is it simply different?

There is a big difference between guidance and control.

Guidance says, “Here is what I see. Here is what my experience tells me. Now you decide.”

Control says, “Give me the wheel.”

And every time you take the wheel, you make it a little easier for someone to wait for you to take it again.

A lighthouse does something different. It stays anchored. The light may move, but the lighthouse does not.

Your people should know your vision. They should know your standards. They should know what you value. They should know where you are going. Those things should still be clear when you are not in the room.

So I want to leave you with a question.

Are you the air traffic controller? Are you the lighthouse? Who do you want to be? And would your team answer that question the same way you do?

Because the ultimate test of leadership is not whether they need your hands on the wheel. It is whether they can still see the light when you are not there.

What struck me?

“The master sticks to her tools.” - Lao-Tzu

What does this mean in my life and practice?

How many times have I been here before? And how many times have I found what helps me through? So why, when I find myself here again, don’t I reach for those tools? This is a question I have not quite answered yet.

Today that is my yoga practice. I have been practicing for 20 years and know what those tools are that work for me. I have finally decided to commit to the practice, and practice daily, to embrace the one tool that, for me, solves all; mentally, physically, and spiritually.

“Abhyasa, or practice, is really about making something a priority. As we enact that priority, an energy builds in our life to support it.”

My priorities had shifted so far out of alignment that I did not know or appreciate who I had become for myself and others. I was not “practicing” moderation, restraint, self-care, or anything really. I was simply “powering through” which is not “practice” and not healthy.

Last week, I received an email during the day that bothered me. I could feel my heart starting to pound. I was having a physical reaction to the stress. I stopped, received the message, and then carried on. If I had been deeper into using my resources, I might have gotten up and taken a walk outside to clear my head, breathe, and give myself the break I needed in that moment. Instead, I “powered on.”

I always had the tools to reach for. Why is it that in our weakest moments, we don’t?

“The winds of life constantly wear away at this shelter, but if we stick to our tools, the shelter will hold.”

Today my practice is my priority. I wake to it, return to its tools throughout the day, and lay my head down at night more peacefully because of it.

Life as I live it - Lori

The Story of the Chinese Farmer

Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.” The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.”

The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.” The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe.”

The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it’s really impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad — because you never know what will be the consequence of the misfortune; or, you never know what will be the consequences of good fortune.

— Alan Watts

I share the story with you as a gift as it is completely changed the way that I perceive my life. I attempt not to call things good or bad and realize that they just are or better “it is what it is..”

The greatest example of this came when I got hit by a car walking across the street. I think it’s fair to say that we all would likely label that as bad however, what I came to realize is that from the one unfortunate incident came millions of blessings, blessings that I would never have experienced or known.

Those blessings came in the form of kindness from people that I never knew and still don’t today. People that came to my rescue to help me heal which taught me resilience.

Blessings from people I knew, but more importantly, those people that showed up in my time of need.

Blessings from people that I had just met as I had just started a new job three weeks earlier, and those people showed up beyond my expectations.

While it is fair to say that I would’ve preferred not to have the experience of being hit by a car I simply would not be who I am today. The choices I made after that experience changed my life for the better or the worse matters not.

It is what it is.

Lori

What struck me?

“…a birth signals the death of their old way of life. …death of some aspect of our false self.. …we are born to a new understanding.”

What does this mean in my life and practice?

The theme of “vairagya” continues to be shown in various texts, multiple references. It is clear that it is aligning with me and this journey that I am flowing into. I see it, I feel it, and I own it.

I understand you.

L.

What struck me?

“Abhyasa is unconditional. It is the dedicated, unswerving application of what you believe in.”

What does this mean in my life and practice?

This one required more research and reading. I was surprised to see when I checked the Sutra 1:12 that it notes, “The formula for transforming our mind is simple and straightforward: abhyasa and (yesterday’s word) vairagya.” Abhyasa means practice and vairagya means non-attachment or letting go.

Bringing these two words together is pivotal for me. Abhyasa is practice, and vairagya is letting go. Together, they remind me that releasing what I’m holding on to takes practice, too. And perhaps that is how I make room for change.

This passage helped bring it together for me…

“We have the capacity to arrest our thoughts and attain mastery over our mind. By training the mind to be clear, calm, and one-pointed, we can change the nature of our thoughts and emotions and achieve mastery over our body, senses, speech, actions, and the word around us. We can be confident in our decision and pursue our goals fearlessly.” - Patanjali

Today, my practice is to notice what I’m holding tightly and begin to loosen my grip.

Life as I live it - L.

What struck me?

“A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to let alone.” - Thoreau

What does this mean in my life and practice?

I have been sitting on this Day 8 meditation for days, I guess that is truly meditating or at least marinating. Ironically not only was Vairagya the meditation but it also showed up as my Daily Yoga Card. Clearly a sign that the universe is calling it to my attention. So I dove in.

I think for today I will simply add the Daily Yoga Card right here so that you can benefit without my definition. You decide what it means to you.

I was so excited for weeks to get here. The beginning of a journey that has been years in the making. I signed up without any apprehension knowing that I am at a place in my life where I am ready for this. “This” is Yoga Teacher Training, this is not really about yoga, teaching, or training. It is about diving deeper into a practice that I have embraced over the last 20 years. It is about creating habits over the next eight months that will guide the rest of my life. The life I want. A life where my yoga practice keeps me grounded in my life, keeps me balanced in my…wait…balance?? How ironic. I am searching for balance and the first class has me on my back on the worst merry-go-round, spinning violently. Vertigo.

There is no worse feeling than not trusting your ability to stand up without falling down. There is no worse feeling then feeling like even when your head is perfectly still you are still moving. Let’s stop this diatribe. This is not about vertigo, it is the first lesson of this journey, slow down.

When something like this happens I have learned not to ask “why” but rather, “What am I supposed to learn from this?” I know what this is, ironically it has happened at every yoga retreat I have gone to and now here. It is a reminder to slow down, or in this case to stop. This message serves me well as I am reminded that these next eight months is about BEing not DOing. This is about observing, receiving, and learning. To forget everything you think you know, you have to stop, reset, and reengage.

The rest of this weekend will not be about doing. Because I have physically been stopped in my tracks, I will BE the observer. I will BE receiving. I will reengage.

First lesson in Yoga Teacher Training that I may have known all along is to “Meet yourself where you are.” Today I am on the couch, and that is gentle, that is honoring myself, and that is meeting myself where I am.

Life as I live it - Lori

What struck me?

The Tao Te Ching tells us “In the pursuit of knowledge, everyday something is added. In the practice of the Tao, everyday something is dropped.”

What does this mean in my life and practice?

Funny how easily we can add to our lives, yet letting go requires counsel. We’ve become familiar with the idea of hoarding in the physical sense, but how often do we consider the emotional or mental hoarding that happens when we live without letting go?

Today, I’m asking myself what I’ve been holding on to simply because I’m used to carrying it. What would it feel like to put one thing down?

I’ve carried every morsel of my history for years, believing it is who I AM. But if I’m going to become this next version of myself, I have to let it go—fearlessly.

Today I am sharing one of the cards I read at yoga class this morning. This one hit me.

The journey I am currently on is one of change. Change as a metamorphosis rather than a redirection. I have been on this path for a while now and as life has evolved so has the journey. I struggle with figuring out how to not let go of who I am while I determine who I am becoming. I am beginning to recognize how much of my value I have attached to my identities and how tightly my ego holds on to them.

There is much from this card that I have to wander through today.

Let’s start with the quote that “hit me.”

“And now another version of you seems to be emerging. Not instead of that woman. From her.”

The card acknowledges how much of my life I have spent building to get where I am today, then reminds me…

“You don’t have to reject…[who you are]…in order to grow spiritually. You may simply be discovering that those things are parts of your life rather than the definition of your life.”

The card itself is enough to meditate on. But the words that stand out to me are broken, trust, and soften. None of these describe me well. I would never use ‘soft’ to describe myself, and I doubt others would either. I think of myself as firm. Yet ‘soften’ appeals to me when it means being gentle with myself.

Always Starting was born out of the idea that I am “ever-changing” and I am reminded that change is a normal part of life. Change is how we become more of who we truly are. The meaning of the card goes on to remind us that “Healing is happening every moment of every day.” In my life I have realized that without injury there is no healing. The injury requires acknowledgement and the healing requires acceptance.

I have often wondered why I have had to navigate experiences so extreme that many people will never know anything like them. I also wonder at what point maybe it will be enough. I know how to be resilient. What I am learning now is how to be gentle with the woman who has had to be.

Life as I live it - Lori Kiel

What struck me?

“The belief that it is possible to heal the world without healing ourselves first is what the Yoga Sutras call a lack of true knowledge.”

“The truth is, when we are happy we spread happiness, and when we are in pain we spread suffering.”

What does this mean in my life and practice?

The immediate thought that comes to mind when reading these quotes is the familiar reminder to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else. I have never much cared for that comparison. It refers to what would otherwise be protocol in a tragic event, when most of our lack of self-care is far less tragic. Most of our neglect of ourselves happens in the ordinary course of living. We keep going, keep giving, and put ourselves off until later.

What I do believe is that who you are is what you deliver to the world. The energy you carry comes with you. It finds its way into your conversations, your patience, your reactions, and the way you make someone feel in your presence.

Be responsible for the energy you bring.

What struck me?

“If you do what you did, you get what you got.”

“Practice is doing the work. It is following up your intention with action.”

What does this mean in my life and practice?

These two quotes from today’s reading are the conflict between my intentions and my reality. I do not want to stay stuck, I know what I am doing will keep me where I am, yet here I am.

I know better than anyone that when you start walking down new paths you find new lands. Why then do I track back to walk the paths that I have walked before. Those that keep me stuck? Stuck in a cycle of exhaustion and excess that lacks the energy to forge ahead.

This means that I don’t negotiate with myself, I do it. I don’t make excuses, I do it. I know better, and I do better. Every time I am true to this statement, I am taking one step closer to my new reality.

Just do it.

What struck me?

“If you want to end darkness…you have to turn on a light.”

Marianne Williamson

Be the light. — LK

What does this mean in my life and practice?

This is so obvious and yet so profound. We choose. We decide. If you want to be in the dark, you will stay…dark.

Turning on the light in my life is turning on the light that radiates from inside me. I am light. I choose to be light. I decide.

Turn on the light.

What struck me?

“…out of the driver’s seat for a while and enjoy the scenery. Let the river of yoga take you where it will.”

What does this mean in my life and practice?

This is exactly what I have chosen to do by signing up for Yoga Teacher Training and spending my time this week mostly focused on yoga as a whole. This is most definitely my happy space. Why not have more of it?

The force to do it is less pushing and more a pulling—pulling more toward what I want. What I need.

I am going to enjoy my time. I am going to prioritize it.

I am going to BE.

What struck me?

“Everything all the time.”

Which resonates with me and is in my mind flawed as multitasking being inefficient, unfocused, and out of reach. I appreciate the note that “we must have a mind that has let go of the habit of distraction and developed the habit of concentration.” This is where I believe I need the most work. What surprised me was the final sentence, “We are doing our yoga all the time.” Wow.

What does this mean in my life and practice?

It means that there is a place for everything all the time and concentration rather than focus may be the key differentiator. Focus means we hone in, tunnel vision. Concentration means we dive in understanding that there may be many views in that dive that allow us to concentrate on the bigger picture even when there are many areas of focus.

What struck me?

"We must simply remain open to our own spiritual potential and be willing to take action on our own behalf."

What does this mean in my life and practice?

Trust your instinct. Trust your voice. When something is pulling follow when it is in alignment with your spiritual journey. Resist when it takes you further away from where you want to be.

My example is with the Kloud mat. I succumbed to it on day one for 45 minutes and seemingly had a very solid night of sleep. I decided to rent it, to indulge those helping me decompress, and to be open-minded. All the while there was something pulling me in a different direction however I pushed forward. Ultimately the second time on the mat proved to take me out the following day. Whether it is truth or hyperbole it is enough to know that this is not for me. Now.

I have lived much of my life, pleasing others. Meeting others expectations. Now it is time to not be pulled around by my “grounding cord” but rather to hold sacred what is my own space. I don’t need to explain. I don’t need to speak life into others beliefs. I only need to hold space for my own. How is it changing me. How is it serving me?

I will continue to explore this new space. This new sacred space.

What struck me?

"Yoga is the study of balance, and balance is the aim of all living creatures, it is our home."

"It is the aim of all spiritual seeking to bring us home, home to the understanding that we already have everything we need."

What does this mean in my life and practice?

Balance is what I am aiming for in all things in my life. I want to find the middle, the grey, the place where the extremes are extreme. The place where peace lives.

The statement “that we already have everything we need” is so very powerful. I find myself seeking constantly. Regardless of substance, I am seeking. Hunger for food, things, love, attention, it matters not, I am always seeking. When you reconcile that you already have everything you need you stop seeking. You start living. You live in a space of gratitude that all that you need is already here. This is where I am to be.

During meditation this morning we were talking about resistance and acceptance. It played out in the difference between push and pull versus flow. As I sat with these thoughts and attempted to make sense of them, a metaphor occurred. I was envisioning a river flowing swiftly but peacefully, cool and pure. In that river I saw a large rock sticking out of the water. The rock was stationary, jagged, and unmoved by the water that flowed around it. Years of resisting the current had slowly worn away at its surface.

What if the rock released its hold and allowed itself to go with the flow, carried on a journey through the currents, coming into contact with other beings in the flow? Would releasing its hard exterior make it less attractive, less wanted, less valuable?

The rock is stuck.

Not because it can’t move with the flow.

Because it won’t.

The rock is heavy with layers of defense that has built up over the years. Layers that helped it survive. Layers that created a fortress that allowed the rock to be impermeable and weather any storm. Building layers has been the rock’s lifework. And if the rock is not building layers, then what is its purpose? What is its value? The rock had spent its entire life believing the layers were what made it valuable.

I am the rock.

Live as I live it - Lori

What a place to start! And why am I always starting? Who isn’t? Life is a cycle of falling flat on our faces, getting back up, and trying again. Even when not it is intentional, we are Always Starting. It has been the souce of exhaustion in my life but it has always been the lifeblood and single characteristic that people most admire, or so I am told. My response is always the same, “What choice do we have?” If you are not Always Starting, then what are you doing?

So here I sit after taking a serious break from writing. When did it end? I am not sure. I guess I could go back and look at my last article on LinkedIn or the last blog post on my Always Starting WordPress site. In reality the day the last thought was written is less important than the why. There were a number of reasons if I ask myself, and I do, I ask myself a lot of things, and yes I answer back. Call me crazy, it is what it is. Oh yeah, back to the question of why I stopped writing.

The first reason was “AI.” Yep, while most people were finding their inner author through AI, writing posts that were full of em-dashes (Who had even heard of em-dashes before AI filled our writing with them?). I actually took offense that AI made it possible for anyone to author an article. I said it, I was offended that someone who had no previous writing skills could now author a full book with success. Even worse is that they could hire a “Ghostwriter” to write on AI on their behalf. Like what!?! The funny coincidence is that I use AI to navigate Excel like a BOSS. I assume there are no “Excel Masters” out there who are offended by that, but who knows.

The second was the internal conflict of giving up too much. Was I revealing too much about what goes on in my overthinking brain? Was I revealing too much expertise in the career that I have worked over 35 years to build? In both cases, why did I care? I never did previously. Maybe it was the…hell, I don’t know what it was, but it stopped me in my tracks.

What I know is that I have built a life through a most unconventional journey and people find it intriguing, motivating, and honest. I don’t mind sharing, and if that sharing helps someone find their voice, gives them confidence, or entertains them, well then I have “given back.” Giving back is important to me. I have been given a lot to get here, and the only thing I can do is give it back in wisdom. Isn’t that the definition of wisdom after all (…that is another article altogether.)

I am here starting on Substack because it is time. I did not stop writing because I ran out of things to say. I stopped because I started questioning whether I had the right to say them out loud.

There is so much to say, so much to admit, and all of it requires a resolve that only writing can give me. I am a writer, and apparently so is everyone else thanks to ChatGPT. :) Writing is a voice, one that is not heard, but that can be felt. I dare you to feel something, no judgment, even if you might be judging me. Read, take what serves, and leave the rest.

Always Starting is back. And this is Life as I Live It. - Lori

There is something both humbling and hopeful about beginning again.

When I first started Always Starting, it was a place to write, reflect, process, and remind myself that moving forward does not always happen in a straight line. Life has a way of changing the plan. Sometimes we choose the next chapter. Sometimes the next chapter chooses us.

But either way, we begin again.

Over the years, I have learned that resilience is not about pretending things are easy. It is about continuing to show up with honesty, courage, and enough faith to take the next step.

This space has been quiet for a while, but I have not stopped thinking, learning, leading, growing, or becoming. And lately, I have felt called back to writing — not because I have everything figured out, but because I believe there is value in reflecting out loud.

Always Starting will continue to be a place for resilience, reinvention, leadership, life, family, confidence, perseverance, and the courage to begin again.

Some beginnings are exciting. Some are uncomfortable. Some come after loss, change, uncertainty, or a season we never expected to walk through.

But starting again is not failure.

Sometimes, it is wisdom.
Sometimes, it is survival.
Sometimes, it is the beginning of becoming.

So here I am.

Always starting,

Lori

Attention, Women Leaders!! Karen Laos and I are cooking up something big for you!

We are joining forces to bring you a 3-month mastermind, “Negotiate and Speak with Power,” beginning on June 16.

Interact with your leadership peers in hospitality who have similar goals in an intimate environment. The group will be limited to 8 women. It’s designed for high-touch and high-quality connections. The intent is to build authentic and supportive relationships in a community where you feel safe to share your challenges and where we practice seeing real habit change through simple strategies that work.

What’s included:

• Six 75-minute group sessions over the course of three months

• One 45-minute individual coaching session with Karen

• One 45-minute individual coaching session with Lori

• Unlimited coaching in between sessions via voice access (using the Voxer app) and email coaching to the group and to Karen individually

Here are the details: https://lnkd.in/gEexxiif

#fearlessleadership #womeninbusiness #useyourvoice